The dreams always come at night – you’re a sultan in a room bedecked with opulence. Relaxing in a chaise longue as you’re fed grapes by two nubile servants, you look around at the peach interiors, luminescent from the mid-afternoon sun outside.
But, just as you’re imagining the myriad first editions lining your arabesque bookcase, you wake up on your settee with an old Pot Noodle stuck to your face. Your CRT telly buzzes as your bookshelf, which holds nothing but two copies of the same Jeremy Clarkson book and a dead pot plant, creaks under the weight of nothing.
Sitting on your sunken couch, you think one thing – it’s time for a makeover. What should you purchase?
Sit in style
If your armchair feels like some kind of torture contraption, then it’s time for a change. Not only will it be a bit uncomfortable to sit in, but it could damage your back in the long run.
Instead of languishing in spinal hell, purchase a few fabric recliners for saintly seating. You’ll feel chilled out and have better posture. Just make sure you don’t leave empty Pot Noodles all over it.
The tone of elegance
Even if you’re more interested in videogames than Gore Vidal, looking cultured is a desirable factor in any living room. Gaining a heightened tone of class is essentially the ultimate social statement – it says to guests, I’ve got taste and I’m not worried about flaunting it.
To make this statement, fill your bookshelf with literary greats and interesting (although not garish) ornaments. Hang a few pictures of abstract art and you’ll be well on your way to a high status – even if you are hiding your copy of Tekken 6 in the cupboard.
Finding a telly used to be such a simple proposition – if it could pick up a signal, then it was good enough.
But now you’ve got to know if it’s HD ready, if it has Freeview built-in, how many HDMI ports it holds, if it can dispense coffee and toast, how many slices of toast will it dispense, will the warmth of the coffee effect digital reception and can it pick up Sky Sports?
So many questions, so many prices. The major question, however, is simple – how will it look in your living room?
Don’t buy a black hole of a telly that’ll dominate your room. Instead, aim for a sizeable, high-quality TV with enough functionality and a sleek design. And leave the toast dispensing equipment where it belongs.